snapping out.

"According to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, when we are dying, or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through 5 distinct stages of grief. We go into denial, because the loss is so unthinkable; we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves; then we bargain. We beg, we plead, we offer everything we have; we offer up our souls in exchange for just one more day.When the bargaining has failed, and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression; despair; until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can. We let go; we let go and move into acceptance." — Grey’s Anatomy

i posted an edited version of that quote on my fb page (i didn't know there's a certain character limit for your "shoutouts") because i am wondering why i still haven't shed a single tear for my uncle's death. i was there at the hospital (in cardinal santos) when the doctors made that "time of death" proclamation. i was even there the morning after he was admitted to the icu.

i was working my ass half of that week, and even in his death, he has maintained being the bossy type--- what happened to him became my wake-up call. i'm calling off my call center adventure.

i have been so used in seeing tito tim randomly. i probably am still on a phase wherein i feel that i can always text him, out of nowhere, updating him about what's currently happening in my life. at the back of my head, he's just one mrt ride away, waiting in his cityland unit. that i can always ambush him into letting me stay all night in his office unit on the second floor, consuming his office supplies without limit. but he's gone now, and i am still on phase one.


----


i am snapping out of this.

a lot of things can happen in one blink. all i need is to grant myself the will to make it.

tito tim is gone, so is my pseudo part-time job.

----

technically, this is my first "free" day day since november third. i was finally able to bring dell to a friend in kamuning (thank you kuya onad!), and he'll be all bright and shiny by weekend. good thing my ever lovely ate loy left this maroon sony laptop her for a week (this is, by the way, tito tim's laptop), i still can catch up with everything i missed for the past two months.

so i left myself online all the time. you can see me online in ym, in gmail, i am even leaving myself online in fb. (things i never do, i don't really like chatting up people online.) i am literally asking long lost friends to talk to me. i was able to catch up on the latest episodes of the big bang theory, grey's anatomy and private practice. i have the sixth season of csi: new york waiting for me to finish.

i have to rewrite those structural notes for the only subject i enrolled for this semester.

i really do need to snap out of this. and i will.

as what my first fb update (immediately after tito tim's "burial") says: i am now resuming THE normal life. aaaaaaah, i can now sleep at night.